Honey Dew Richard's Subpar Adventure to Spaaaaaace Archive

Honeydew Richard’s Subpar Adventure to Spaaaaaace

By: Baggererer

Help from: Grumb0grumb0grumb0grumb0

Dedicated To: Boris

Chapter One: The Destruction of Richard

In deep space, a comet flies past many planets. The comet is known as Richard. It flies on a fast course to the edge of the universe, it’s destination. Suddenly, the omnipotent being known as Time appeared, and attempted to stop Richard, fearing it could best him in combat. Richard nearly won the duel, before Time used the neato laser and shattered Richard into three pieces. Now, one piece falls to Earth, an unknown planet to Richard. What adventures could this event cause? Find out in chapter two!

Chapter Two: The Second One

The portion of Richard enters the atmosphere and hurtles toward the ground. News vans, police, and scientists gather around the likely crash sight. As the piece crashes to the ground, dust scatters. The scientists discuss what to do with the meteor, before one loads it into a van and drives off. They arrive at the scientists’ home, and he takes Richard out and takes it to his lab. This is Michael V. Dad, a well renowned independent scientist who happens to be a vulture. He studies Richard for many hours, before finally turning off the light, and heading up a flight of quartz stairs. In the night, this portion of Richard finally awakens. He realizes Earth has gravity compared to space and decides to manifest himself in a form fit for Earths’ gravity. He comes out in a small form, with tiny horns and a winter jacket, his tongue hangs out. He attempts to make an escape, but falls over, not used to having limbs. He slowly crawls over to the door in which he entered. He is almost there when he falls over from exhaustion, he falls unconscious. He has a WaCkY vision, in which he sees the other parts of Richard fall to Earth. A voice proclaims him as Honeydew Richard, the strongest fragment of the whole Richard. Honeydew Richard begins to float upward, the power of sheer friendship is pushing against him. He wakes up to find Michael pointing a boom boom cannon at him.

Chapter Three: The Birth of Honeydew

Michael backs up and puts the cannon away, he begins examining Honeydew closely. “Who are you?” Michael exclaimed. Honeydew’s small form has already adapted to human speech. “I am Honeydew Richard, the strongest of the Richards.” He says this seriously, but his small occasionally babbling voice makes him seem silly. Why have you come here, and where is the meteorite?” Michael asked. “You brought me here, I was the meteorite.” Honeydew explained. “You really expect me to believe this?” Michael questioned. Honeydew, growing tired of the questions, explains who he is and what happened. “So, all of this is true? I may be able to track down your companions if they have landed on Earth.”

Chapter Four: Honeydew Richard Does a Thing

Over the next few days, Honeydew stayed with Michael, learning to work with small limbs and learning basic Earthling attributes. On his third day staying at the lab, Honeydew, after learning to operate a toaster, was having breakfast. He was sitting peacefully on his own when Michael burst through the door to the lab. “I have found one of your companions! He appears to have crashed in the South African Country of Mozimbeebway.” He exclaimed. “How will we get there though?” Honeydew asked. “We can take my private helicopter of course, TO THE HELIPAD!” The duo rushed out of the lab and looked up to see the helicopter lowering to meet them. “Hello, I am Sheldon 0.5, pleased to meet you.” The helicopter stated in a robotic voice. Michael and Honeydew boarded Sheldon and began their flight. Soon, they were flying over the Atlantic Ocean, and Honeydew was looking excitingly down at the water. Suddenly, the helicopter was under heavy fire. Two other helicopters where behind them, each had an auto-firing turret shooting at Sheldon. One was being controlled robotically, and the other was manned by Garth, Times assistant. Michael pulled Honeydew back inside and set his blaster from stun to kill. “What do they want?” Michael wondered. “They probably don’t want me to reform with the other fragments.” Honeydew said. Sheldon barrel rolled out of the helicopters line of fire and drew back. Michael looked out the side of the helicopter and noticed that they were now above a deep forest, he fired his blaster, causing the robotic helicopter to fall into the ocean. Garth suddenly slowed down, ramming into Sheldon, and causing it and its crew to fall into the depths of Africa.

Chapter Five: Honeydew Richard Gets Addicted to Lucky Charms

After a few hours of silence, Honeydew woke up in the middle of the wreckage. He looked around to find Sheldon’s voice box “eError, SyeesteM Fali, ShoulD have InveSted in Real-e$tate” The box fizzles out, leaving Honeydew to fend for himself. He didn’t see any sign of Michael, so he did the only thing he could do, head forward. He soon found himself in a dense rainforest. Honeydew was assaulted by mosquitos but trudged on. He eventually decided to stop and get perspective, so he attempted to climb a tree, but his small limbs made his attempt futile. Honeydew’s form had adapted more human like qualities to fit in, to the point where he needed food and water, but he could not find any. He walked on for three days in a repeated cycle, and eventually Honeydew was exhausted, injured, and dehydrated, when suddenly, he heard the noise of a bubbling stream. He headed towards the noise and saw the stream, he dashed towards it before it disappeared, it was merely a hallucination. Defeated, Honeydew fell to the ground, barely alive. He had another vision of the last few days he had had on Earth, and suddenly, his FrIeNdShIp powers awoke. Honeydew floated upward, fully conscious and quickly crashed to the ground, still on his feet. He immediately began running south at great speeds, breaking down trees as he went. He finally arrived at the foot of the Mozimbeebwian city of Böyük.

Chapter Six: Robo-Richard Attacks

Honeydew fell back to the ground and was surrounded by Mozimbeebwian guards. The guards pointed their sharp spears toward Honeydew, right before they could attack however, Michael appeared behind them. “Stop! He’s with me!” Michael exclaimed. The guards stepped back, allowing the duo to reunite. “Those helicopters may still be after us.” Honeydew mentioned. “I didn’t know we were going to be chased before, since then I’ve added a cloaking device to myself, and I made one for you.” Michael said. The two headed to a small shed that was given to Michael while he was there. They went inside and Michael attached the small device to Honeydew. Now prepared, they set out to speak with the mayor of the city. “Yes, a strange orange being has been attacking our crops, he lives in the cave just north of here.” The Mayor explained. Soon, Michael and Honeydew were headed in the direction of the cave, believing that this creature and the meteor were related. As they approached the cave, a shriek ran out, and a velociraptor like creature ran towards them. Just before it could reach them however, it morphed into a being like Honeydew, but he wore Orange and purple instead of Green and blue and wore a propeller hat. “YO, YO, YO, I’M CANTALOUPE RICHARD!”

Chapter Seven: Honeydew Richard Gets Verbally Harassed

“HEY MAN, I’M CANTALOUPE, THE WACKIEST SHAPESHIFTER THIS SIDE OF THE MISSISSIPI!” Cantaloupe screeched. “What’s that supposed to mean? We’re in South Africa.” Michael said. “Somethings wrong, he’s not meant to shift like that…” Honeydew said, confused. “BOY OH BOY, HERE WE GO AGAIN!” Cantaloupe exclaimed, he shifted back to his raptor form, and began chasing them. Michael picked up Honeydew and began to fly upward. “I can’t fly for very long.” He admitted. Honeydew jumped out of Michaels grasp however and his friendship powers activated. An intense battle ensued, an exciting battle between Richards. Soon the two Richards had tired but kept fighting extremely slowly. “ALL RIGHT, YOU’VE WON THIS ONE, I’M OUT!” Cantaloupe exclaimed suddenly. He shapeshifted into a large bird and flew off with high speed. “What are we to do?” Michael questioned. Suddenly, Garth’s helicopter appeared on the horizon and knocked Cantaloupe from the air. He fell back down to the ground near Honeydew and Michael, the duo looked up. Garth jumped down to meet them, landing on the other side of Cantaloupe’s unconscious body. Honeydew raised one hand, weakened from his previous battle. Honeydew attempted to shoot a friend beam (Essentially an Anime laser but it’s a rainbow), but he was unable. Suddenly, Garth whipped out his laser and shot Honeydew. Honeydew reeled back, before falling over. Michael set his laser to kill and vaporized Garth instantly. Then Michael stood, between the bodies of two Richards.

Chapter Eight: Honeydew Richard Falls into a Blender

It was mid Gobvember, yet Honeydew was still in stasis. He had been for the past two and a half weeks. In the meantime, Michael had helped Cantaloupe control his shifting issue, and he had returned to his doughy form. Together Cantaloupe and Michael had rebuilt Sheldon and flew Honeydew back to the lab. Suddenly, Honeydew awoke and left the stasis chamber. He waddled around the lab for a short while before sitting down in front of a monitor. It was late, so he assumed that the others were probably asleep. Soon Honeydew began to fall asleep, but just before he could a small alarm buzzed from the monitor. He looked up to see the screen showing a map. An on-screen arrow was pointing to the Arctic. “A final portion of the Richard meteorite has been discovered in the Arctic.” A text box reported. Honeydew bolted up. “I have to stop him before he gets too powerful.” He thought and turned to the door. Without a second thought, Richard flew out the door and into the mid Gobvember sky.

Chapter Nine: Honeydew Richard Eats an Incoming Train

An unidentified Honeydew Richard was currently hurdling through the atmosphere. As he skidded to a halt across a snow-covered landscape, a deep chill engulfed him. Not yet deterred, Honeydew began his perilous journey across the freezing snow. As he trudged across the barren wasteland, he slowly realized something “Why am I doing this? I can fly.” Now no longer trudging through the barren wasteland, Honeydew had a much easier time searching. Soon, he came across a large glacier. As he flew past, he thought he saw something inside, and got closer. As he approached the glacier, he saw something frozen inside, a creature like him. This Richard was the largest of all and wore blue colors and a blue Santa hat. Once Honeydew saw this, he began thawing the ice using his friend laser. As the last of the ice melted, this Richard suddenly fell into the freezing water. When Honeydew investigated the cold depths, he didn’t see anything, but them bubbles began to form, and the large Richard rose from the water. “I am Winter Melon, the coolest of all Richards.” Winter Melon stated firmly. Honeydew rolled his eyes and began “Is it just a thing that Richards aren’t very funny?” He never heard a reply however, as Winter shot a beam of shear ice toward Honeydew, which he dodged. Honeydew realized he would have to fight, and so it began.

Chapter Ten: Cantaloupe Richard Eagerly Awaits Flag Day

Michael V. Dad was utterly stressed, and it was not because of the incoming attack helicopters. Honeydew had been missing for an hour and a half, and Michael and Cantaloupe knew nothing. As they searched cabinets and under garbage cans, Sheldon’s voice came over the lab’s intercom. “Hey, should I intercept the attack helicopters?” Before anyone could say anything else, the lab was blown up, throwing Michael and Cantaloupe backwards, and destroying all evidence of the battle currently going on over the Arctic. As the duo got up, they saw many a helicopter flying above them. “We’re lucky we were outside checking under the grass.” Cantaloupe. Michael swiftly jumped up, and exclaimed “Sheldon, activate counter measures!” Out of the rubble of the lab rose an anti-aircraft missile, shooting one of the many helicopters down. It crashed next to the lab, and the battle began. Sheldon quickly joined the duo and flew to the ground. “Scan it.” Michael said. Two fifths of a microsecond passed before Sheldon replied with “They belong to the time fleet. Garth is aboard one. They want to kill Honeydew and Cantaloupe.” Cantaloupe then fired a friendship blast at one helicopter and assumed his bird form. Michael looked up to Garth, “I thought I killed you!” he shouted. “Yeah, that wasn’t very nice. None the less, Time went back to right before you killed me and saved me.” Garth replied. “I hate convoluted plans.” Michael said.

Chapter Eleven: The Culmination of All Things Richard

Honeydew Richard did not exactly enjoy being frozen in an ice block, but that was his current situation. He quickly thawed himself out and rejoined the battle. He dodged many ice spikes and flew right up to Winter. The battle had gone on for a while at this point, and they were both tired. Honeydew dodged a sheer ice beam and readied himself for the next attack. Winter nearly attacked, but Honeydew punched Winter in the jaw. Not expecting a first-class maneuver, Winter stumbled backwards. As he fell to the ground, Honeydew fired a friendship beam directly at him, and he shook slightly. Winter got up, yet he was different, he now had green and red clothes. Honeydew walked up to meet the newly formed Watermelon Richard, and he explained everything that had happened. The two Richards got up, now on the same side, and began the flight back to town. Town wasn’t doing to well however, many buildings had been destroyed, attack helicopters were everywhere, and everyone was thoroughly ticked off. Michael and Sheldon flew above the scene, when another copter began to shoot at them. Michael set his blaster from kill to kill and shot the pilot, vaporizing him. Garth happened to be sitting in the other seat however, and he began to pilot the helicopter. He began shooting at the town bridge, and it began to collapse. In his raptor form, Cantaloupe ran in front of the bridge and began helping citizens off. Just as he was finishing, Garth shot another flurry, one of which hit Cantaloupe. As he fell to the ground, Cantaloupe changed back to his pudgy form. Michael flew over to Cantaloupe to survey the damage, but before he could, Honeydew and Watermelon arrived.

Chapter Twelve: Honeydew Richard Plays on a Swivel Chair for 4 Hours

With all three Richards back together, nobody knew what would happen. The two new arrivals grabbed Cantaloupe, and together they flew into the air at high speeds. In the span of a few microseconds the three Richards melded into each other and fell back to the ground. Now they were one being capable of pure power, Richard. Richard was taller, edgier, and cooler then any Richard before him. He looked over to Michael and Sheldon: “We have to take this out of the town.” He then flew up to Garth’s helicopter and threw it into the distance. Our three heroes followed the helicopter and soon found its crash site. They were in a large field, surrounded by trees, a barn stood in the distance. A large Blazberry man wearing a sun hat ran over to them. “I told the Union I don’t want no attack helicopters crashing on my lawn!” He yelled. “I’m sorry sir, but this attack helicopter is actually being driven by a time minion.” Richard explained. “Oh, that makes sense.” The Blazberry said, and he went to rejoin his Blazberry son on their tractor. Then Garth broke out of the rubble and pulled out his blaster. He shot and Richard dodged it. Michael pulled out his blaster and shot at Garth. It ricocheted off the rubble and went behind them. Richard then picked up a small rock and threw it so fast that it knocked Garth out. The three heroes looked to each other in disappointment. “That was 94% anticlimactic.” Sheldon said. Then Time himself appeared.

Chapter Thirteen: Time spoils 2001 a Space Odyssey for Everyone

“Time, also known as Paul Garyson, is an interspatial -” Was the last thing Sheldon said before being blown up. Time was very upset, his fleet was destroyed, his assistant was probably dead, and they had gotten his order wrong at Spacebucks. “So, Richards back, I’ll have to do this myself.” Time said, then he opened a time vortex, sucking Richard and Michael in. When they got up, they were in the time room, one of the four godly rooms. Richard and Time had a stand of, and then the battle began. There really isn’t much to say though. Richard pummeled Time and threw him around a few times. When it was finally over, Time was extremely weak, and in a last-ditch effort he looked over to Michael. “You see why I have to do this; he is too powerful for the current world to comprehend. He will grow stronger, and vile, and soon he will become the strongest being in the Universe, stronger than Grenda.” Time pleaded. Michael then aimed his blaster at Time and fired. Time ducked out of the way and in his real last-ditch effort shot a time beam right at Richard. Richard tried to dodge but failed and was hit. Nothing happened for a second, then Richard began to disappear. “What’s happening!” Michael exclaimed. “Thansk” said Richard, and then he faded. Michael said nothing for what seemed like a long time. He then aimed his blaster and shot Time in the side, causing a wound he would have for the rest of his life. “That’s enough, I have to erase your memory.” Time said. He got up and flicked in Michael’s general direction. Michael hadn’t even realized that he had been knocked unconscious by the time he got up. He was laying in the rubble of the Blazberry farm and didn’t remember anything ever. He reached into one of his pockets and pulled out his own business card, he read it over a few times. “So, I am…... Michael Vulture Dad? I think I like the name Vulture better.”

Epilogue

After the events of the book, Vulture Dad went on to adopt a singular son, David the Pelican, who he found in the middle of an alleyway. Coincidentally David went on to be one of the ones to kill Time in the late 1990s. After David moved out, Vulture Dad went insane and built Dinosaur-ish Island, an island of fake dinosaurs. David later talked to him and he regained his sanity. Since then he has slowly been regaining his memory and may soon remember Richard. As for Time, he was reincarnated after his death as Dareth, a regular human with no powers and a hatred for David and his best friend Bob. Sheldon was found and rebuilt by Angry Car Salesmen, who converted him into a car and used him on special occasions. After an intense purple apocalypse, Angry Car Salesmen gifted Sheldon to Reginald the Rhinoceros, where he is today. The family of Blazberries later found Garth’s unconscious body and stabbed it a few times with a pitchfork. Also, coincidentally the young Blazberry ended up becoming Time’s new assistant. All three Richards locations are currently unknown, but they are likely somewhere in the time stream. So, a few of the characters lived happily ever after.

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